Perhaps molluscs can be our friends.
A (scarily hoomungus) cheque in respect of the Yoga room I rent, has been returned due to 'unusual tampering' by snails.
It would appear it happens often enough for Royal Mail to have a standard letter of 'gastropod apology'..
And who knew they put slug pellets in post boxes?
I suppose the next logical move would be to start using unsolicited correspondence as bait?
So it can then become known as "snail mail?"